We are our thoughts
Ever wondered why some people are more successful than others? Some of it might seem to be ‘right place, right time’ or simply luck, but I don’t think that happens too often. Mostly, it is as a result of everything we tell ourselves, based on our parents, family, friends, school, work and life experiences. Even within families, siblings won’t necessarily think or feel the same way and yet one would argue they have the same genes and upbringing so should.
The things we tell ourselves are so important or rather, the actions we take as a result of telling ourselves those things. If we use the words ‘I am ugly, I am useless, I am a failure, I can’t, etc. is it a surprise that we will feel ugly, useless, a failure and unable to do something we want to. What if we could see ourselves in another way? What if we could imagine ourselves as successful? What would we be doing? Who would be around us? What would we be feeling? It’s surprising what the inner mind can see and what it can create.
When we are little, anything seems possible. As a youngster I was really into books. I feasted upon stories like people binge on Netflix series. I got irritated if my mum called me for supper as I had to stop reading. Well, frankly, I got irritated with my mum, period. ☺ I could see the images associated with the words in my head – it was like my mind had created a movie. It has its drawbacks. I remember being really disappointed by the Harry Potter movies, because my mind had already created the images when I read the book! But that is the point. Our minds are so clever and so quick that when we experience negativity, our minds can create stories surrounding those as well and unless we change the story, those images of self-loathing, being useless or ugly, stay. The more we tell the story to ourselves, the more we believe it.
I was struck by something I read about Dawn French’s life the other day (who I think is a tiny bit awesome). She is well known for being a ‘larger than life personality’ with more emphasis on the ‘large’ with social media posts about her weight loss or weight gain, but in truth Dawn appears to be happy with how she is. She wears her size life a defiant badge to the world that one can be overweight and still be successful. This isn’t about her size, but rather what she was told. In a defining moment for her, when her father realised that she was frustrated after her shopping trips, because she could never find anything fashionable that fitted her and struggled with getting boyfriends like her friends she says…….
“He sat me down and told me that I was beautiful, that I was the most precious thing in his life, that he prized me above all else, and that he was proud to be my father,” says 50-year-old Dawn.
When someone tells you that, that fills you up with the good stuff. Good thoughts. Good feelings. Now, not everyone is lucky enough, like Dawn (although as her dad committed suicide when she was 20, I am not sure she was entirely ‘lucky’) to have that positive reinforcement in those early years. The early years are critical to how we go out into the world and try and make sense of everything. However, just because we didn’t have that, can we change our thoughts and change our futures? Well yes. The question is, how much do we want to?
What story do you tell yourself that might be holding you back and what story would you rather tell yourself instead?