Failure or a chance to learn?
How do we view failure and why do so many people say ‘failure is not an option?’
I was struck by an article on Elon Musk’s attempts to travel and inhabit Mars. The 160 foot tall SNB rocket completed its first high altitude flight of 41000 feet for 5 minutes and 40 seconds but burst into flames when returning to land. Musk’s response was to see it as ‘awesome’, an amazing success because it reached its altitude target and collected data en-route. To him, failure is simply an opportunity to improve. I agree with that but I also think it’s absolutely fine to wallow. When people say ‘failure is not an option’, that tends to make some feel the they are even more of a failure if they don’t succeed. For me it drove me even harder to prove to others that I could do it and sometimes to my detriment;. but, let’s face it, failure stings and not just in that moment. Depending on what we set out to do, we can get constant reminders of what we might have been able to do, long after the event. I had to repeat 12 weeks of my RAF training again watching other people graduate on the day I should have. Instead I underwent another gruelling 12 weeks of physical and psychological effort and it hurt in both respects.
So, when we look at failure how do we view it?
What makes one person give up and another continue to strive? Again, it’s not a one size fits all. If coaching were that simple, I’d be out of a job. It’s about ourselves as human beings; our interactions that have led us to that point; our values and beliefs and choices we have made along the way. Looking back, I think one of my strengths was determination and that damn irritatingly, positive attitude; I say irritating because it can sometimes drive other people mad. I simply wouldn’t give up. I failed my Maths O level 3 times each time getting a D. The fourth time I got a B and honestly thought it was a spelling error! I failed my driving test 3 times (there is a theme here of 4th time lucky!). I failed my project management APM qualification the first time round because my darling boys had chosen that very week to be sick at the same time, leaving me in the position of managing sleep that just pipped into double figures by the time the exam came round on the Friday. I opened up the paper and could barely write my own name never mind understand the questions! Second time round I passed. I have failed people by letting them down through lack of communication or some other thoughtless act. I have ‘failed’ in several relationships. I say failed in inverted comments, because I don’t actually see those as failures, although the impact of them at times, did indeed hurt. However, I’ve reflected and I have learned.
What is the point of this? Well, I have allowed myself a period of time to wallow but then I have chosen to not give up (there is a link between this blog and the one on choice). I wanted to succeed whether that was to gain independence, to better myself or just to bloomin’ well prove to myself, or others, that I could do it. I learned from previous ‘failed’ relationships so that I could avoid the same pitfalls in the future.
What questions could we ask ourselves?
How much do I want this?
Was the failure within my control?
If it was, what can I do differently? How can I approach it in a different way that might mean I get a different outcome?
What support or help might I need to ensure I succeed next time?
What would you tell your best friend to do? And then take the advice for yourself :-)
In my case, when I failed and repeated the same thing, I wanted it. Really wanted it. Trying was more important than failing. Failing was in the past. Success lay in my future.
If you have ‘failed’ at something recently, how do you view it now? Silently licking your wounds vowing never to step into that space again or like Elon Musk ‘awesome, it’s an opportunity to learn and improve?’